While reflecting on Father's Day this year I couldn't help but think of my husband as a Father. That Father of all my babies, my husband of 25 years. He works hard for our family, too hard at times. It's rare that he takes time to enjoy our presence.
(perhaps it has to do with arguing or complaining...)
One thought that continually ran through my head was about all the sacrifices
he has made to be a father.
A year after Lainey had passed we were able to go to the cemetery as a family to see the marker for her and Ricky. The need for me to go there had been so great, unlike after we had lost Ricky. Somehow I feel drawn to this place more and more. Likely because the distance prevents me from going at my leisure.
We were so disappointed, on that cool Thanksgiving Day, to find the marker was almost entirely covered with weeds. It had sunken into the earth and grass had overtaken it. This caused immediate distress for Rick and he instantly knelt beside the resting place of our kids and got to work. He pulled all the weeds around the marker, then we scrambled for something to scrub the head stone with, a bit of water and paper towels, nothing in our car completely suited for the task. It was work that had to be done and we both knew it. Just as the work that had to be done when our babies had died.
Rick had to dedicate each tiny grave, one for each of our babies born still, 21 years apart. There would be no one else to do it. Much like there is no one else to clean this tiny grave site marker.
Rick and I are far from perfect parents. We have made many mistakes along the way. Even though we have lost two babies at nearly full term, I can't help but feel favored of The Lord. He knew we'd accept the task of having these children and he knew we would still love and praise him, when they returned home with him, instead of home with our family.
Though not easy to be apart from our children, we accept Father's will and try to live our best lives that we may be with our family again one day.
These are the most poignant images I have of Rick as the Father of my children:
