The Sunday Seven 10-30-2016

1.  Monday was senior soccer night and Lexie was asked to escort her favorite young man Colby onto the field.  It was a sweet moment, Colby's family there, church friends there and it was his last home soccer game.  They announced Senior Colby Myers #19 escorted by Ms. Lexie Liptrap accompanied by his parents...they went on to announce activities he's involved in; church, scouts...then they announced his future plans.  A year at BYU before serving a 2 year mission for the LDS church.  

The audible "ohs and ahs" from the audience was telling, people were impressed and maybe a bit surprised.  It was a good night.

2.  Wednesday night Lexie was off shooting and Kaylie opted to go to her last middle school football game.  It was the traditional trunk or treat at church with a chili cook off.  I had been on the fence about going anyway, so I just decided to stay home.  The first time I went to this activity at this ward I was pregnant with Lainey.  I had been writing on caring bridge about her condition and our lives.  A woman from across the table, shyly stated, "I've been reading your blog, and I've been praying for you".  It's so hard to know who, knew what, when.  I remember feeling a bit shocked but grateful someone knew.  It was a night I didn't want to face.

3.  The same day was filled with much dread of the anticipation of my birthday.  As stupid as that sounds.  Felt weepy mostly all day.  Gave myself permission to suffer if I wanted to.  Stupid I know!  

    

4.  My 45th birthday arrived, off to work.  Some text well wishes, Facebook notifications about my birthday...I walk in work to find the whole crew having breakfast and on my desk was a dozen dunkin donuts.  I took my donuts out to the table and shared my birthday treat with everyone.  The guys were extra chatty, we joked and had fun.  My phone kept lighting up from messages.  Despite my biggest efforts to feel miserable, my day was shaping up!

5.  Arrived home to a clean kitchen, with a birthday cake made by the girls and dinner purchased by Kodi.  Rick was away at Martinsville.  So we sat around and watched the newest "Ellen" Halloween videos featuring her producer Andy, and we laughed and laughed!  I love to laugh!

6.  I held off going to bed as long as possible, it's the alone quiet moments that can be the worst.  I finally settled myself into my room and I sat on the floor with Ricky's box of things.  I looked over his baby blanket, which surprisingly smelled like a hospital.  I looked over the booty socks he was buried in, I kept a set of them.  I looked over his little handkerchief hat, his hair (so much lighter than Lainey) his death certificate, his photographs.  I spent a few minutes thinking of that night, then I reached for the 6 lb. 3 on. weighted heart someone made for me and I held it on my chest as I feel asleep.  23 years in Heaven. 

7.  Friday night was spent at the Mooresville vs. Lake Norman Rival football game.  It was CROWDED, like ridiculously crowded.  I saw so many people I knew and loved, people who had blessed my life the 15 years while living in Mooresville.  I enjoyed watching people more so than the game.  Several Young Women from my old ward were in the marching band, I got to visit with them.  A hug from an old neighbor, sitting with another neighbor.  It felt so good to be surrounded by familiar people in a familiar place.  We lost and headed home.  I had been thinking, "We could move back here, the girls were off with old friends, I think I might like to move back, I work in Mooresville, Rick works south of Mooresville..."  All feelings of nostalgia were suddenly lost when Lexie said, "I sure don't miss that place"!  Sigh...guess we'll just stay put!  :) 

23 Years

23 years ago around this time our world stopped.  By this time our family had heard the news and rushed to be at our side in the hospital as we waited to bring our sweet son into this world, still.

There would be no need for the crib, all the wonderful shower gifts from just a few days before.  There will be no birthdays to celebrate, no first steps, no teeth coming in, no first day of school, no baptism, no graduation from high school or college.  There would be no sweet heart, or wife and no grand-babies.

Just empty arms, a gaping hole in our hearts and a seeping wound that would never heal.

Tomorrow night around 9 pm will be the first and only time I held your sweet little body, hello and goodbye all at once.

I honestly didn't think I would survive, somehow 23 years have passed.  I can't even say it went by in a blink of an eye, it didn't.  This time on earth is dragging on, feels like an eternity until I'm with you again.

Happy Heavenly 23rd Birthday Son.  I love you and can't wait to see you again!

Sunday Seven 10-16-2016

1.  Two days ago was Lainey's 23rd month in Heaven. Sigh.

2.  Ditched orchestra to attend a high school soccer game with friends.  I enjoy watching sporting events especially when I know players.

3.  Missed church Wednesday night because Lexie needed to be in Denver.  She participates in a shooting program and Rick was unavailable to take her at the last minute.  It was fun to see her expression when she did well.  She was very happy with her performance.  It was the first time I had sat to relax all day, so I was pretty much comatose by the time she was finished!

4. We spent Friday night at a football game!  Our high school against Gannon's high school.  He is a young man that attends our ward.  Love the youth of our ward!  Final score  Maiden 56 Bandys 40. It was a good game though and we totally enjoyed seeing Gannon play!.  Got home late, late, late!

5.  Received this text message from Lindsay, who lives in Arlington now:  "I went to the temple tonight to do a session and when I was walking up the stairs there was a Lady Bug on the wall".  Awe, it did my heart so good to hear.  I appreciate Heavenly Father giving us a definite reminder of our girl, I'm so grateful she is near and with our family regularly.

6.  Up early on Saturday, headed to the temple to see an eternal family made!  I had previously written (October 2015) and did not publish these words about this man.  (why did I not publish this?)

In our church we refer to each other as Brother and Sister.  My dear friend Regina became a member of the church some 12 years ago.  Her equally dear husband Marty did not.  In fact he wasn't interested.  He made friends, he served with people, he even introduced himself as the Bishop but he wasn't a member and didn't feel the need.

He and Regina had come to see me play in the Orchestra a few years ago.  Marty would always tease me, "When you playin that fiddle?"  I'd reply, "When you gettin baptized?"  This went on for quite sometime.

At the first of the year, after the loss of Lainey, I started back with the Orchestra.  I had to do something for myself.  Weeks into it, I just lost interest.  I didn't want to go, I didn't want to take the time.  I would have to leave for work at 7 am on Monday's and not return home until after Orchestra often at 9 pm.

Just as I was about to give up on Orchestra all together, I had this hint of an impression, "If you don't start practicing now, you won't be ready."  (It was implied that I wouldn't be ready to play for Marty's baptism)

So I continued.  Then I received this facebook message:

Dottie!!!! BIG NEWS!!!!! Get your fiddle ready....Marty is getting baptized on October 11th!! You don't have to play but we'd love it if you can come. Love ya!!

How could I say no to this?!

So I got busy, found a song, found someone to play with me and I practiced.  I prayed, I practiced, I felt emotional every time I thought about it.  I prepared myself and asked Heavenly Father to help my performance to be perfect!

The day arrived, I had driven the 40 minutes to the Chapel and tuned with the piano.  Initially the chapel was quite empty, something I hadn't expected.  I prayed for more people to come (which is crazy since I was nervous) but people came, more and more.  The program started, it was time for the baptism AND there were so many people, most could not even see it happen!

The moment had arrived, it was time to play.  The piano started, then I started...then in the middle of my page two the air conditioner kicked on and with it my page started to flutter off my stand!

I had to stop in mid bow stroke, rescue my paper and pick back up in the song!  I don't remember much beyond that point.  The song ended, I sat down.

I immediately knew the lesson to be learned.  That it's ok, if it's not perfect.  It's okay if I did my best, these were my Brothers and Sisters and it just didn't matter.  I could do something most in the room could not.  It will be okay for me to play in public as a sign of worship.

I'm glad for that experience!  Most said, I did great.  I had to comment about my music, and everyone could see what had happened.  But I heard, "My gosh, you just fixed it and started right back where you left off!"

I'm so grateful Marty finally made the choice to be baptized and I am blessed and honored to be a part of it!

Congratulations Brother Martykins!

A year later, this week I attended the Temple to witness this beautiful family become a forever family.  As I applied my makeup in the early morning hours, I paused just before I added my mascara, then I realized, I don't need it, I'll just be crying it off...So true!  Looking at Regina, looking at Marty and all those who have loved their family for years...knowing the prayers, the tears, the faith that it has taken to see Marty progress to this point, it was so beautiful!.

7.  I came home exhausted but with a renewed dedication to the church that I love.  I'm so thankful for a perfect church, filled with imperfect people trying to serve The Lord.  

The Sunday Seven 10-9-2016

1.  A long time ago I followed a blog of a woman who did a Sunday Six/Seven.  She posted about her week all on one day.  I need to journal, I need to do this, so I am attempting the Sunday Seven!

2.  Orchestra rehearsal on Monday, all ready for our concert this weekend.  I was first chair for this performance, so I HAD to be there.

3.  Wednesday Kaylie had to take pictures for a school football game.  She is on the yearbook committee in 8th grade at school.  So I picked her up from that, and we missed the youth corn maze!  I saw pictures the kids posted, looked like an aMAZEing time!  

4.  A terrible Hurricane, Michael, was coming up the coast we had lots of rain.  I spent all day in Mooresville on Friday for work, only to have to drive home, get my violin and drive back to Mooresville for rehearsal!  Bleh!  But rehearsal went well and I felt more prepared.  

5.  Saturday Lexie and I set out to find her some church dresses...only at noon, Colby decided they should for sure go to Homecoming!  From 12 until 4 we shopped, in this store, that store, back in the same stores, found a dress, found some shoes, found a tie, painted nails, had some angry frustrating moments, a few tears, but got home in time for Lexie to get ready for homecoming.  She had a fabulous evening!  

6.  Church on Sunday, it was good, but the floors had recently been redone and oh my gosh I was so sick by the time we left!  My mouth was dry, my nose was running...it was AWFUL!  I had to conduct the congregational hymns and that is most difficult when your mouth is dry!  

7.  Due to the terrible rain our concert was postponed until Sunday afternoon.  I generally don't participate in concerts on Sundays, but since I was first chair of my section I felt obligated.  So I got home from Church, told my family there were on their own for food and headed out the door!  The concert went well, it was a beautiful day, the sun was shining and I was grateful to make beautiful music!

A very busy week, but one filled with fun and blessings.