We work in a church calling together, a younger married woman who has two children is expecting, my worst nightmare. It's unavoidable, it's still so fresh for me, it's still so painful, I just don't want it under my nose, waved in my face. (not that she would intentionally do so)
I can't ask someone who is excited and happy to bring a baby into the world, to be sullen and miserable around me. It's not that I'm not excited for them, just so desperately sad for myself.
I know this is going to happen, it's happened with Ricky, my two miscarriages (I have cousins the ages of my children who have passed)...a different cousin just had a baby boy exactly to the DAY two months after we lost Lainey. TO THE DAY!
I try not to associate Lainey with any new babies, I try not to imagine her "living", sitting, crawling, crying...I just try not to do that to myself.
I am trusting God, I will be okay, this will pass. One day I'll be reunited with my sweet babies, until then I am counting on God to carry me.
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