6 long months

I woke this morning with what I felt like was a big secret.  It was May 14th, 2015.  I felt as if most wouldn't even know what this day was, like it would come and go without notice.  I felt like I was the only one who could look at the calendar and see/feel the date pulsating back at me to remind me of this day, this moment in time.  

November 14, 2014 12:41 am. 

It is so hard to move forward and still we have too.  You'd be completely surprised by all the distractions we've had to keep us moving on, to prevent us from dwelling in the past, 

totally surprised.

(first pictures of Lainey)

It's been 6 months since I've held Lainey, 6 months since I've nestled her up against my cheek and kissed her forehead.  I miss her.

I had to go to Wal-Mart in the afternoon and headed straight towards me in the produce section was a grocery cart holding an infant car seat.  I held my breath a bit as it went by, but the curiosity got the best of me.  I had to turn around and see what was inside.  There she was a dark haired little baby girl.  Had I been brave enough to ask I would not have been surprised to find she was around 6 months old.  It was the first time I placed Lainey in this world as baby who had aged.  She might have been that big, she might have still had her dark hair, she definitely wouldn't have her ears pierced and I am certain her eyes would still be blue.    

Blue like mine and Kodi,  She would likely have dimples like Kodi and Kaylie.  Both Lindsay and Kaylie have a little dimple in their chins, Lainey had that as well.  Her hair would be dark like her daddy and she'd still have Lexie's profile.  She would be apart of each of us and yet her own little person.  

6 months have come an gone, my girl still so far away, I miss her moving in my tummy, I miss the thought of her arrival, I miss holding he in my arms.  I can't wait to be with her again, but I will.