What about the father?

It's interesting how many ask about the Mother after infant loss.  

Many people ask the Father about the Mother.  

Not many think to ask about the grieving Father.  

I know what he's going through, we lost our daughter together, just as we lost our son.  

Only I had physical recovery to add to my pain. 

Rick was so wonderful after my C-Section, he reminded me that I'm not 32 anymore and that I'd had major surgery.  He really picked up the slack, he did absolutely everything.  

I guess I was busy trying to recover, trying to get back to normal, trying not to throw myself in the lake, to notice his despair.

He couldn't hide out in the house all day in Pj's, he couldn't sleep in, keep his feet propped up.  He had to go to work, he had to function.  He had a few projects/side jobs started before we had Lainey.

  I used to feel so frustrated with him knowing people were becoming impatient because he was not completing the jobs.   I think there was a level of understanding for a time.  

It took me a while to realize Rick came home from work, and helped in the house, but couldn't even look at his side jobs.  Months would go by and he didn't even so much as tinker in the garage.  

So unlike him.

DUH!

He was low, he was depressed, he lost his little girl.  He had to dedicate her grave, he had to dedicate his son's grave 22 years ago next month and then his Mother's grave 21 years ago this month.  He's buried two children!  One at 29 and one at 50.  At 30 he lost his Mom.  

Of course he doesn't want to work in the garage.  Of course after a long thankless day at work, he just wants to watch TV!

When we lost Ricky, we had an electronics business.  The upstairs neighbors had a flood right around the same time as I delivered, the water fell into our shop and customer's items were damaged.  Of course insurance would pick up the tab, but we still had to set about finding replacement products for people.  This one woman, who was greatly inconvenienced demanded that we buy her exactly the camera she had.  (Only, hers was several years old)   

Rick had to deal with the business, his wife delivering a baby, picking out a casket, burying our son, replace peoples' equipment all within weeks of each other.  

I will never forget the day when this woman came in unhappy with her new camera, fussing about the time it took...Rick apologized and explained, "We lost our baby" and she said something to the effect of, "your personal problems should not get in the way of your business".  

Rick was enraged and I remember him screaming at her at the top of his lungs to take her stuff and never come back.  

She never did.

What about him?  It's hard for him too?  

Only he doesn't get on the phone with his best friends, or Mother to talk about it.  He doesn't mention it in conversation because he can't talk about it, it's painful.  

When he started to come out of his depression all this other stuff was happening:  3 robberies at our business within one month of each other.  5 car accidents between Lindsay and Kodi within 3 months.  Only 1 accident was truly their fault.  He had to leave the business he started to take a job with regular pay.  We somehow get through all that, and now people are really breathing down his neck to get the sick work completed.  

He's finally off the couch in the evenings.  He's feeling better.  I just with the pressure would let up.  I'm tired, he's tired.