Today is Lainey's 2nd Birthday in Heaven. She has been gone for two years; 24 months; 104 weeks; 730 ish days...
Ricky's birthday seemed far more difficult; he was expected to live, but died and died without warning. We had placed him in holidays, birthdays, school, marriage, grand babies...the loss of him was shocking. We were young and so naive.
Lainey's birthday while difficult doesn't seem to emit the same emotion. She was not expected to live and she didn't. We didn't place her in holidays with birthdays and milestones. We were far more aged and naivety had long gone, we knew all too well that an infants life could be snatched at anytime, and it was, twice.
Last year we honored Lainey by doing random acts of kindness during the month of November. In an effort to minimize Rick's suffering I hadn't spoken about how to cherish Lainey's memory this year. I'm mad at myself for putting it off, part of it is "life" gets in the way. Another part is not facing it to avoid painful emotions. So many of my friends send me little lady but pictures or sweet thoughts reminding me that my sweet girl has touched lives. I'm so very grateful, each message is treasured and saved. (In fact, I'm making a book with them!)
I struggle with my position in the world. I didn't go through all this for nothing and yet I have had no profound impact on others. It's frustrating to hold a social work degree and to not be a social worker, except that I have an awesome job, boss and co-workers. I just miss helping people, really helping people.
As I contemplated how to make the biggest impact I was reminded of one sweet gift I received from my friend KyAnn. (among many which all have a special meaning) It was a simple illustrated book.
This book shared a lovely story about two horses very much in love, so much so they wanted a colt of their own. Blinded by their love for their baby they couldn't even see that their baby wasn't like other colts. She was tiny with a red shell and polka dots. She was a ladybug and these sweet happy proud parents would soon learn that their precious ladybug would not live a long life of work, eating hay and galloping through pastures...They found her life would be short and sweet eating bugs and flying. While incredibly sad they decided to enjoy their time with her and make many memories...
It's such a profoundly sweet story, which was so indeed true in our situation. I then decided that this year to honor Lainey I would purchase as many copies of this book that I could to donate to mine and other Obstetricians office and to libraries. This book would be helpful to share with young children who may experience a tragic loss within their own families and help heal hearts of grieving parents.
The books will share the message posted below:
LOVE FROM LAINEY
Lainey passed away in November 2014 just before delivery due
to complications
associated with Triomy 18.
Our family wants to remember Lainey by sharing this sweet
story which gave us much comfort through out are very difficult time.
To
share your experience: #lovefromlainey
If you'd like to join me in honoring our sweet girl you may do so in many ways; serving others, sending a sweet note of encouragement to a friend or neighbor, a random act of kindness or you can order your own copy to donate by following this link: The Gift of the Ladybug. I'm happy to find a donation site as well if you'd prefer to send the book directly to me.
Thank you to everyone who remembers Lainey with each little ladybug and thank you so much for sharing your "site-ings" with me, they are a source of great comfort for our entire family.
Lainey is greatly loved and greatly missed.
No comments:
Post a Comment